Life is a Foregone Conclusion…. or is it?

What the heck does this even mean? What is a foregone conclusion?

These are the questions I woke up to running in my mind on repeat this morning. Then followed up with, “why is the relevant to now?”

First let’s define a foregone conclusion, because if you are like me, I wasn’t entirely sure. Don’t you just love it when words pop into your mind and you think, “I’ve never used that word before and what does it even mean?” Now I digress and get back to defining foregone conclusion.

“a conclusion that preceded argument or examination; an inevitable result, certainty.”

 ~ Merriam Webster Dictionary

You may have noticed I underlined ‘certainty’ and that was purposeful because when I read that it meant we were living life as a certainty. Just sit with that a moment and think of all the areas you are so certain about in your life. Or better yet think about how many times you have been absolutely certain about something in your life for it only to change.

I’ve heard people say things like, “death and taxes are the only things in life that are certain.” I respond, are you sure? We read all the time about how some wealthy individuals do not pay taxes legally because they have figured out how to work with the tax codes. Then you consider there are doctors like, Robert Lanza, MD using “biocentrism theory” to explain death is not what we think it is – so are taxes and death a certainty? It is a matter of perspective.

I had a friend quite recently say to me, “Stacie, all you must do every day that is certain is sleep, eat, poop, and repeat.” He tells me this right as I was beginning my no tv, no social media, no phone indefinite sabbatical. I sat with this, and he is right, those are absolutes in life even though those have changes within them such as fasting for example – but his point is really this – life is simple, we make it hard.

Making it hard – heck I’ve been doing that my whole life and why, what is the purpose of it? Why would I make things harder for myself? I could dive deep into this was my way of protecting myself, self-sabotaging my progress in areas of my life or I can be honest and say the simple answer – my mind was taking authority, and the reasons don’t matter. What does matter is what does my mind need to be able to rest, to stop complicating things and consider what new narrative I can believe to have a new behavioral pattern? Is it simply me bringing awareness to my mind doing this and instantaneously going “nope” and moving forward with the simple answer? Is this me no longer allowing my mind to create the foregone conclusion (aka: certainty), which my mind usually goes directly to the catastrophic version of what is going to happen if I don’t find the ‘certainty’ in the situation? Or my mind assumes there is going to be something horrible going to happen unless I continue with the perception of certainty? All of this is my mind creating complexity when the answer is so much simpler and that is – all I know is THIS MOMENT. Sit with that for a moment.

Now if you would like to know where you are with your mind (or you have a really good idea about your mind, but this sounds interesting anyway) go on this brief SIX STEP exercise with me:

1)      Close your eyes (not if you are driving and if you are you should not be reading this right now).

2)      Next imagine a question you have been pondering. Maybe it is do I change careers? Maybe it is do I get married/divorced? Maybe it is something smaller like, should I really join the gym?

3)      Now let your mind race with all the pros and cons, analyzing or whatever your mind usually does with decision making.

4)      Now scan yourself from head to toe and notice how you feel. You may feel emotionally sad, mentally overwhelmed and you have a tightness throughout your body. Your sensations may be something entirely different and that is okay because they are yours and there are no right or wrong sensations here.

5)      Now really pay attention to this part – did you notice how your mind immediately made the answer to your question complex? Maybe it said things like: “I’ve been doing this job for so long and I don’t know if I can make any money doing what I really want to do” or “but what about the kids?” or “look how many times you’ve paid for memberships and used them maybe once because you got too busy then forgot, plus they are hard as hell to cancel” or “this is just the way things have always been.” Any of this sound familiar? I used these examples because I have said or asked myself every one of these questions myself.

6)      Now float your mind ever so gently down to your heart and tune into your heart space, that place there in the middle of your chest. How does that feel? Maybe heavy, confused, sad, exhausted, but so badly wanting to feel something different? This is because your heart wants something MORE and it knows more is available to you, but your mind has been taking authority and overcomplicating your entire life. Your heart wants to be heard too. It has been giving you those little whispers you’ve been dismissing because of some sense of obligation, or because the answer your heart was giving just seemed way to simple and well, we just can’t have that can we.

As you can see your mind believes it is creating certainty, doing the right thing by weighing the pros and cons, by considering everyone and everything else first, being responsible but at the end of the day, you are still left feeling the weight of the world with a heavy heart and not recognizing why because it is wrapped up in the foregone conclusion that “this is just the way life is.”

Here is something to entertain…what if this is not the way life has to be or was meant to be? What if life was so MUCH SIMPLER? Would you choose simple? Would you choose uncertainty if it meant simplicity? Would you choose uncertainty if it meant your heart would feel joy, peace, and freedom?

The first time I heard these questions I responded with a resounding, “ABSOLUTELY, who wouldn’t.” Then my mind came running back in and created doubt around could this really be that simple, fear of what or who I might have to give up. In a split second I went from feeling excited about life and light in my heart to heavy, sad, and defeated again. I was even angry with my mind for ruining a good adventure and the hope of living and being better. Darn mind, why did you have to go ruin things with things like, “you will lose too much, you can’t really do this, or you’ve done enough of the inner work so far, when are you ever going to be enough?”

The SIMPLE TRUTH is the only thing you must give up per se is YOU, your old narratives, your old behavior patterns, your tight grip on what you think is control and certainty to this life.

Within this truth you are releasing the need to know the outcome, detaching from certainty, leaning into the unknown, and being more PRESENT in your life than you have ever been. In this presence of you, the stillness, you will notice things you used to do no longer feel necessary, productive, or wanted. You may come to the awareness around the things you did to keep yourself from being present with your mind and heart (i.e., alcohol, tv, etc.). Does this mean you will never participate in any of these things? Maybe or maybe not, but if you do you will have a new perspective on it and why – it won’t be to quiet something inside you, or you are making yourself fit into situations or with people.  You do things from a place of putting YOU FIRST. Oops…did I really just say that?! Yes, and before you go on to a tangent of consideration, being selfish and more – remember those things are a two-way street. Also remember putting you first is allowing others to see the beauty that is you in all your wisdom, honesty, purity, and truth. They will recognize authenticity where before they were subconsciously a little suspicious of you, sensing you were not being completely forthright with them. How do you like putting you first now? It has a different spin on it doesn’t it?

When you are in the present moment you learn who you are in your most authentic way, person who your heart has been trying to pull to the forefront of your life. You know that feeling I am talking about, or you wouldn’t still be reading this – it is that tug in your heart that pulls your forward into the beauty that is you. Note that as you allow your authentic self to show up fully in all your relationships, establishing boundaries, no longer being the person they have come to know you as – well this may be met with some critical discourse even from people you never imagined. Some people, including long-term friends and family, may fall away because you no longer speak the same language. BUT some people may choose to go along this journey of curiosity, wonder, and adventure with you. Look at you inspiring others.

So, if you have made it this far and you still want to radically change your reality and live your life as you authentically, here are your next THREE SIMPLE steps to get you started:

1)      Sit quietly this time when tuning into your heart space and ask your heart, “what do you want/need?”

2)      Listen for the simple answer it gives (if you get a complex answer, it is your mind which you can invite to take a seat and rest)

a.       If your mind persists, ask it to join you and your heart in your heart space. Providing a nice comfy place for it to rest while you and your heart have a conversation.

3)      Once you get your simple answer, invite your mind along for the ride – no shame, no judgement, showing it compassion. This is a new experience for your mind and the best part is this is the first steps to your heart and your mind learning to work in harmony with one another. They will begin to unify their experiences and will each play their new roles working together.

I would like to leave you with a couple of foregone conclusions affirming who your new way of being present in your life. Repeat these as often as you would like, write them down and place them on your fridge, mirror, etc. if you would like.

I am already enough.

I am unapologetically present with myself in every moment.

I am grateful for this journey of curiosity, wonder, and adventure I am on.

Last but not least and my new favorite saying I have learned from my friends at CoCreate.global and the Living the Moon Cycles podcast:

Yes, thank you for this opportunity.